There is no hope. There is no sorrow, no joy, no love. There is nothing left but anger. 

Phan is dead. I have seen him with my own eyes now. Or I have seen what is left of him after he has been abused by those barbarians.

The Dane has nothing left but anger
Nothing left but anger

We went back to attack the enemy camp. After all, we did have detailed information about the guard posts and how close we could get without being seen. Sometimes I wonder if the American soldiers know where they are or how to wage war in a jungle. They find the weirdest spots for their guards. It looks like they are subject to some very strict rules about distance between the posts and the directions they are pointing instead of looking around the grounds and finding the best places to hide and still be able to have a good view of the area. 

when we got close. most of the company had left. Only one platoon was left. It was no problem getting close to their reduced camp and we attacked them with our full force. They were completely run over.

Outside their camp they had strung up Phan and the two young guys by their arms and legs. You could see that they had had fun beating their bodies. I don’t know if they were still alive when it happened or if they were already dead before being beaten into a pulp. Their bodies were full of holes from bullets, knives and whatever you could think of. There was no blood left in the bodies and they looked almost artificial as they hung in those trees like pale, dirty angels.

When I got into what was left of the enemies camp, I saw a soldier sitting leaned against a tree. He looked unharmed. Maybe it was his first fight. I don’t know. He didn’t do anything, he just sat there. It was like he was petrified.

When I got close to him, he looked up at me with eyes full of wonder.

The Dane writes "I killed Him"
“I killed him”

I killed him.

I hit him so many times. 

There was nothing left. He didn’t look human anymore. His face was busted. His entire head was a pulp.

I don’t know when he died. He only fought a little but he stopped almost right away. Then he just lay there while I beat the butt of my rifle into his face again and again and again and again.

I can’t remember why or when I stopped hitting. 

I have tried to make it go away. I have been drinking and I even tried smoking and getting high again. I have tried turning the other cheek and looking at it all from above, from the side, from the enemy’s point of view and from further away. But I can’t.

There is emptiness or anger. 

Emptiness og anger in the end of episode 20 of the diary
Emptiness og anger in the end of episode 20

Nothing else

I can’t choose emptiness, so I choose anger, even though I am scared. I am scared that there will never be anything but anger. But maybe it is a righteous anger. After all – why not?  

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